Monday, September 13, 2010

Confessions of a Former Time Killer

"I'm bored."  I found myself, especially in my high school years, saying this line.  "I have nothing to do.  Nowhere to go.  I'm bored."  Time and time again I found myself in that situation.  To relieve boredom I would play video games, call up a friend to go hang out, maybe listen to music, or do other things.  In any case, I felt I had to relieve my boredom by DOING something.  I had to keep myself occupied, although, honestly, I never occupied myself with constructive things like homework or household chores, both being obligations that needed fulfilling. 

At other points in my life, I found myself with others "killing time" either by way of distraction from school work or seminary formation or as a replacement for the obligations of such.  In any sense, this wasn't a productive time, but it wasn't a restful either.

I found that after both trying to relieve boredom or "killing time" I was more restless.  I couldn't sleep.  I couldn't relax.  I felt more tense.  Boredom held for me a certain restlessness.  I can't sleep when I'm bored nor am I wholly awake.  I'm restless.  In all of this, I found myself wishing and desiring rest and relaxation.  Acutal, time worth spending doing nothing. 

"The vacancy left by absense of worship is filled by mere killing of time and by boredom, which is directly related to inability to enjoy leisure; for one can only be bored if the spiritual power to be leisurely has been lost."  My heart was restless because it did not rest in Thee, O Lord.  The restless of boredom directly resulted from my inablity to enjoy leisure.  Each occurence of boredom was an opportunity for leisure.  I was afforded the opportunity for divine worship, and I occupied myself with created things. 

Daily I have the opporunity to be leisurely and worship God.  Those times when boredom sets in or the temptation to kill time comes upon me are times to turn to festivity.  Those are times to glorify God in my heart, and perhaps they are times to practice works of charity.  Where before I was blinded by my restlessness, now I have the oppotunity to be the light of the world. 

Lord give me the gift of leisure that I may love You, serve You, and glorify You each day of my life.

A reflection of Chapter V of Leisure: The Basis of Culture

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